oceans

by eloisehendy

in a flat with a balcony
where you could just glimpse the sea
if you stretched
we cooked breakfast nude
we made love in the afternoons

i got carpet burns

we listened to music that was too obviously sexual
too loudly
and laughed at the cliche
and after dark
on the pebble dashed beach
with four beers apiece
sloshing against the shores of our stomachs
we fought about things that
we could not change

i told you i’d been scared
of us
at the start

i did not say
i still was

i did not say
that in the drunken darkness
i was desperately afraid
that the dawn would find us
smaller
than we had been when we stood on the brink
of our balcony
stretching our gaze
over the rooftops
to just glimpse the sea

we walked home hand in hand
too quietly

we decided to stake out the dawn
to stare it down
as it bloomed
up over the thin line of deep blue
in the far out
distance

that was your favourite part
of the view
you said

i preferred the waves
that came closer
to the land
retreated
then returned
foaming over with glee
as they stretched their surf
to just stroke the sand

the sun did not bloom
but leaked
slowly staining the sky
a lighter shade
of grey

we were disappointed
we had hoped for something more
spectacular

we walked home hand in hand
and laughed at the cliche

behind us
men kept their gaze lowered
eyeing up the stones at their feet
hoping
to recover something precious
something lost
somehow
along the way

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